What Gastroparesis means to me...

Well it looks as if the theme of my blog is changing, I may have to re-work my page.  Posh is much more fun to write about than my illness, but here we go...

For those of you who know me, you know I am a Posh girl, and my chronic illness has put a pause on my side business as well as my full time career.  I am a wife and Mom, and like many others with severe idiopathic gastroparesis, gastroesophageal reflux disease, and a hiatal hernia, my life has drastically changed.

My intention here, for those that choose to read, is to help my loved ones understand what I'm going through a bit better, help myself document my progress along the way, and help other gastroparesis or chronic invisible illness patients get through the day.




On that note, here are a few thoughts that were going through my mind when I was up sick at 3am- in no particular order.  Forgive the format, it was 3am...

GP is...
Hanging out in the bathroom at 3am
Wishing I could just sleep it off
or just sleep
Knowing the bathroom is exactly 6 seconds from my bed
Trying to sleep it off and will away the nausea because I can't wake up our family
Cancelling important plans, like a bridal shower rsvp, because I cannot be trusted for a long car ride
Constantly worrying about common smells making me nauseaus
Giving up food I love- popcorn, tequila (all alcohol), bacon, pineapple, grapes
Going without a paycheck for over a month while the insurance company waits to approve your disability leave because no one seems to understand GP
Feeling guilty for being sick (I know, seriously?)
Trying to explain to my friends an invisible illness when I don't look sick
Trying to make people understand a disability leave is not a vacation, and medical bills are not cool
Making sacrifices just to keep it all together
Doctors can't give me good answers
Hours of internet research, searching for some relief
Not having the energy or feeling well enough to chase around my amazing toddler
Worried about my relationship with my husband suffering
Looking 5 months preggo after just a few bites of food
Gaining weight while eating like a bird
Typing things like this at 4 am because my mind just won't go to sleep and my stomach is angry
Working out at 4am because I may as well (even though I'm sick) because it helps my stomach sometimes
My usual intense workout makes me pukey
My to do list is growing, and I'm not nearly productive enough
My toddler says things like "Mommy the sun makes your tummy hurt?  I have a tummy ache too.  Mommy you play with me?  You come outside with us?"  He breaks my heart, but he's such a sweet boy!
Giving up my absolute passions- Snowmobiling, dirtbiking.  I will probably cry the day I sell my sled, no joke
Panicking about giving my MOH speech at my sister's wedding- mainly because I will be sober, and a sip of champagne I will pay for for days or weeks
Worrying about being a good friend because I can't commit to too much, including visiting her new twins (you know who you are, luv ya my friend)
Worrying about money
Worrying about my family
Worrying about what my illness is teaching my child about the world
Worrying about complaining too much
Worrying that if I lie and say I feel fine people will question my situation
And really, WTF do I care so much about what other people think?
Worried about my financial future
Worried about the emotional impact of GP
Worried about whether or not I should / could have another child
Worried about a feeding tube
Worried about a gastro electronic stimulator
Worried I'll try it all and nothing will help
Worried about vacationing in a foreign country- finding the right food to eat, possibility of a flare up
Worried I will vomit in the middle of my Yoga class (not so zen)
Worried I'll be sick at story time at the library, while grocery shopping, pretty much anywhere
Worried my blood sugar will be so low I'll pass out doing anything important
Worried the pain is so bad I have to curl up in the fetal position, what if that happens when there's no one else to take care of my son?
Worried way to much about everything
Wouldn't it be easier not to care?
Most of all I'm worried I won't be ME anymore...




Let's be real- I can't stress over everything above constantly, but I pretty much do.  Stress makes my tummy worse, but my tummy stresses me out, go figure.  I try to stay positive and find something good in every day.

Some good things about GP-
I get to spend more time with my family
I get more time to research gastroparesis and help with my symptoms
I get to take a little time to take care of myself
I get to express my creativity- I never thought I'd be blogging, and I never thought I could take the time to pick up sewing, more reading, or come up with cool kid crafts to do with my son.

Maybe someday I can look back on all of this as a distant memory of what was a rough patch.  Maybe someday I'll write a book to help others with gastroparesis.  Maybe I'll be the only person who ever reads this and it makes a great journal.  Either way, I'm lucky to be here.

Plan B

Have you ever had a good, solid plan, and then something changes and you have to go with your plan B?  Maybe you planned for it, maybe you didn't, either way you have to change your plans?  Major plans?  Well that's what's happened to me in the past month or so.



You may or may not know I have Gastroparesis.  It is a chronic illness that affects about 4% of the population, yet no one has heard about it.  There is no cure, no research, and not many treatment options.  It is an illness that affects my entire life, has changed my lifestyle, and now has forced me to take a leave of absence from work.

My plan was to continue to push through my work day, my Posh business, my Visalus business, the stress of a full time job and full time family, the family juggle, and to try to forget about the stomach pain, nausea, vomiting, and exhaustion.  You guessed it, I couldn't keep up.  I had to slow down, and convince myself it's okay I'm not Superwoman.

Now, I've had to stop my Perfectly Posh home parties, and in taking a leave of absence from work I now have the time to better take care of myself.  My family seems happier, we fight less, and I'm sure I'm a happier person to live with.  My health isn't any better, however I'm taking the time to eat properly, exercise, and do research on my own about my illness and supplements that may help my symptoms.

I fear the financial and emotional aspects of a chronic illness, but the extra family time and smiles are priceless!  I plan to make the best of the situation, (and trust me, this isn't all sunshine and roses) enjoy the time with my family, and accept that, for now, I have gastroparesis.

If you like, follow along with me as I manage my illness and family life.  If you have any suggestions on money saving tips I'd love to hear them.  I'd also love to hear about nausea remedies, and other digestion aids that work for you.

For the one or two of you that may read this, thank you so much for your support!  I am so lucky to have the support of my family!

Now how the heck do I accomplish all of this?

Well, we've survived the first two days of the week!  I've not posted in a bit, but we've been torn in a few directions, wondering how to fit it all in...

The past couple of weeks my gastroparesis has been particularly terrible (it's tough to go to work when you feel like throwing up all day).  I've tried a liquid diet, been exercising regularly (even though it's the last thing I feel like doing), but now I'm scheduled to have a procedure done where they inject botox into my stomach through a scope in hopes of making my stomach work again...  I've woken up just about every morning, thinking there's no way I can go to work today!  But I feel good about the fact that I've pushed through my issues and not missed a day of work :)

Yesterday I found out I've been accepted into my MBA program!  Now it's a mad dash to register for classes tomorrow and work out the kinks of going back to school.  Classes start next week!   I'm excited, but wondering just how am I supposed to fit it all in?

Perfectly Posh has been a great business, I'm having a lot of fun pampering ladies after work.  I'm really enjoying empowering women to dream a little bigger, and make some money while enjoying some social time.   Last week I had two parties, and I'm also hosting a multiple hostess event later this month!  Great opportunities here, and I do enjoy them, but again I'm wondering how will I fit it all in?

Over the weekend we picked out a new swingset for Evan, and he's so excited to play in his "clubhouse"!  He's loving the warmer weather, riding his bike, chasing the dog with his bubble mower, and being a boy.  My husband and I haven't had a date night, in... well... I can't even remember!  I'd love to go out and play all day in the beautiful weather we've been having, but who would do the laundry for me?  Who will get ready for work, daycare, college, and Posh parties?  Obviously my family is the most important priority, but my question to all of you Mom's- how do you do it all?  How do you balance a career, a business, college, and family?  How do you make more time for your family and be more efficient with the rest of the day to day tasks?



Please share any tips you've learned (keep it positive please).

Taking Charge

This week I had the opportunity to go to a company sponsored event, with breakout sessions lead by my peers.  One of those sessions stood out in particular.

The session was on success thinking.  I'll not mention any names, but this presentation was phenomenal!  My co-worker was well-prepared, passionate, and inspired me to set my own goals for success.

What I learned this week is I need to do more.  It's not enough just to be present, and be awesome at my job.  I need to take advantage of the things my company offers to further my development, and take charge of my career!  There's no waiting until my supervisor tells me I'm ready, I'm doing the work, and taking charge of my own career!  Online courses, online books, and college courses may be offered by your employer too!  Also consider a mentorship.

I wish you all could have seen this presentation, because it's impossible for me to express just what my presenter shared.  I would, however, encourage you to take charge of your own development, share your goals with your supervisor, your peers, and hold yourself accountable for reaching them!

Making time

I think I first saw this quote about a year ago.  It was a year ago that I stopped making excuses.

A year ago yesterday I started making myself a priority.  A year ago I tried something new, a "magic shake" a friend of mine introduced me to, the Body by Vi Challenge.

I didn't think it would work, but I was miserable, and really needed to get healthy.  I was hanging on to some extra post-baby weight, having migraines almost daily, and the doctors couldn't figure me out.  Exercise and diet alone wasn't working, so I figured why not?  What did I have to lose?

Within six weeks my migraines were almost completely gone, and in 90 days I'd lost 20 lbs (more than my baby weight gained), gotten rid of post-pardum depression I didn't know I had.  I was feeling more energy, and finally felt more like myself again!  I began my first business out of the love of Vi, and what it did to help me.

I didn't have the time to run a business from home, nor did I want to take the time, but I felt like I owed it to myself and others to help to make a difference in the lives of the people I care about.  It wasn't really about the money, but about my passion for health.

Fast forward to November, my Vi business was slowing down a bit, and although I am still very much involved with The Challenge, I was looking for something fun!  A friend introduced me to Perfectly Posh, and I fell in love!

I have met so many fabulous women in my journey with Posh, and it's just getting started!  I love to make time for Posh because it's good for me, I have fun meeting other women passionate about feeling good, and I really enjoy having a night away from home.  I love my family, and I always feel guilty about being away from them, but I think it makes me a better wife and Mommy.

This post is getting longer than I'd planned, so I'll get to the point.

This year I've been focused on making time for what matters, including ME!  After learning I have gastroparesis, and healing up some torn ligaments in my foot, I'm getting back into my workout routine.  It's never easy, and I hate waking up early, but I love knowing no matter what, I've made time for me!  Even better, I love to see my results!

I'm home from work today with my poor little guy, who's had the terrible stomach flu for going on a week now.  There are a ton of things I should be doing, but I'm taking a little me time today.  Today I took the time to "Posh" myself- I love the tree hugger scrub and Sister I'm a Poet slather!  Just a little pampering can go a long way.  I woke up early and worked out, and unfortunately my little guy woke up sick...  So that meant he was headed straight to the tub, then cleanup, and my shower had to be delayed until naptime.  I felt so much better knowing I'd taken the time for myself, even if that meant a change of plans for my day.  I also took some time to make up some portable parties, a recruiting folder, and Evan "helped" by playing cars in his own little sample bag.  I found the time to snuggle and watch a movie with him, play cars, and do laundry.

Bottom line is I am making time for the things that matter.  I'd like to make the time to spend more time with my friends, date nights with my husband, and more playtime with my son.  Perfectly Posh has helped me to learn just how much you can fit in to a short time frame.  It doesn't take much time to whip up a few samples or make a quick fb post about the business.  At the same time, it's a ton of fun, and a great opportunity to make some extra money and meet some wonderful people.

Do you need a change?  Are you going to find a way?

Just slow down!

This week, every time I turn around, it seems like life is telling me to "SLOW DOWN!"

So I started thinking, can I actually accomplish more if I slow down, and make sure things are done right the first time?  How many times have you completed a task, only to realize a second later, CRAP!  I forgot to add X, or I sent this to the wrong place, or I misspelled someone's name?  Don't get me wrong, I'm a great multi-tasker.  As we speak, I'm watching Ridiculousness, checking my email, and glancing at Facebook updates, all while I somewhat hold a conversation with my husband.  That being said, am I really mastering any of these tasks?  Or doesn't it matter, because none of these require all of my concentration?

All I'm saying is this week, I tried not to stress about my to-do list, either at work or at home.  This week, I took an extra couple of seconds to double check my work, double check I have everything POSH for my Just Between Friends sale, double check I have correct addresses on invitations.  And do you know what?

I MADE LESS MISTAKES, AND WAS LESS STRESSED!

No magic here, just a little observation this week.  Surprises jumped up, like my toddler getting sick with the stomach flu, but I kept my cool.

I consider it a successful week!  Happy Friday Everyone!

Motivation

Happy Sunday!

I am in the process of reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.  Slowly reading it, at the mercy of my schedule, but I think that's giving me more time to really consider the principles the author discusses.

This week I am trying to focus on eliminating negativity from my life.  I am summarizing, of course, but the author points out that no one likes negativity, and no one ever became successful by being a negative person.    Be the person you would like to spend time with!

Another great point he brings up is you need to picture yourself reaching your goal.  In the book, about becoming rich, you need to specifically see your self with a certain sum of money, with a goal date in mind.  You must see yourself at that goal, really feel like you have met your goal, and know that you will reach it!

In my mind, I can see myself at my Perfectly Posh Premier, with a team of wonderful women working with me!  I can see myself working from home and enjoying my life at my own pace!  I can see myself at my goal weight, fit as ever, just in time for bathing suit season.  I can see that healthier me on a beach in Jamaica with my amazing husband for our 10 year anniversary!  Imagine the possibilities!

Point is, if you don't think it's possible, it's not possible.  When you start to expect what and when you will accomplish your goals, and don't take no for an answer, you will succeed.  It's not failure unless you quit!

Here's a link to the free Ebook: http://manybooks.net/titles/hillnother07think_rich_grow_rich.html